Mary and I had a date night on Friday and went to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl. Having grown up with the DisneyWorld ride that the movie is derived from, I was curious to see the film. While reviews have been mixed, the public has spoken by making it a summer blockbuster.
I went with an open mind, very much wanting to be entertained. I wasn't. I was downright bored and fidgety through the bulk of the film. While watching, I wondered to myself if I had just become cynical about the movies, or if I really had a reason to be bored. Afterwards, I asked Mary what she thought. "I was kinda bored", was her reply, confirming that I was not alone in my assessment.
So what was wrong with Pirates? Everything but the beautiful locations and fx of people morphing into skeletons when the moonlight hit them. Other than that, there was no plot to keep your attention, terrible character development, average action sequences, repetitive special effects, and less twists than piece of plywood. Add to that the grueling 143 minute length and I find it puzzling that people actually have made this movie a box office winner.
Check out the peoples' reviews at metacritic. It is astounding that there are those who called this movie "Awesome!" In fact, I heard some people saying those exact words as we were leaving the theater.
Don't get me wrong. I WANTED to have fun. The movie was not fun. I pondered the movie a bit afterwards, attempting to figure out where they went wrong and what is reminded me of. As I thought, the words "bad children's movie that is inappropriate for children" came to mind. I wouldn't take my kids to see this movie because of the scary factor, but it reminded me of such Disney pablum as "The Little Mermaid 2", "Peter Pan: Return to Neverland" and "The Jungle Book 2". All of these films hoped to capture an audience by leaning on the original's success. Every one of them failed to do so because of incredibly lame storyline, poor or average songs, and because they had nothing new to offer.
"Pirates" failed to capture my imagination and attention because it was written on a 6-year old level. And it was written POORLY. Even poor Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow, who with his foolish behavior has still managed to be a drawing card for this film, was so out of place that I was never sure what the filmmakers wanted us to think. Apparantly people like his cavalier attitude and witty quips, but I found them to be childish and un-funny.
The few enjoyable moments came when the film did a nod towards the classic ride. The song (Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me...), the scallawags behind bars attempting to lure the puppy with the key to the cell, the drunken pirate chasing the fair maiden, as well as a few other moments, brought a smile to my face as I recalled the precise scene from the ride. Other than that? Shiver me timbers, matey!
So what does this say about the movie-going public? I have my own conclusions, and unfortunately, none are complimentary. As it is, I have already spent too much time reviewing this movie. So in honor of its incredibly poorly written script, this review will remain a first draft. Dead men tell no tales...
It's Del.icio.us!
Furl It!
September 21, 2003 01:58 AM
I think you've become a curmudgeon, Joel. I saw it and was surprisingly entertained by this otherwise throwaway film. I've liked Johnny Depp since "Edward Scissorhands", but nonetheless didn't have very high expectations of "Pirates of the Caribbean" either. I also grew up going to Disneyland oodles of time (we lived in Agoura, about 75 minutes from Anaheim)...
But I liked the film a lot and can't deny it, I left the theater grinning and had been sufficiently entertained that I asked my wife if she'd want to see it ... since I was willing to go see it again.
September 21, 2003 02:12 PM
I sort of liked Depp's quirky character, but I would have to agree that plot development was a little thin.
I did rather enjoy the movie "Bend It Like Beckham." I also found some family values in a movie I rented on DVD called "Raising Victor Vargas."
September 23, 2003 09:56 AM
I totally agree. It was a waste of my time. I even fell asleep during some of it. If a movie doesn't make me laugh a lot, or cry, it's not worth seeing. I'm stumped at what fans of the movie found so worthy of spending their money on. I couldn't figure out what Johnny Depp was trying to do with his character. I heard a few weeks after I saw it, that he based it on Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones. Now I know why I didn't think he was funny.
September 23, 2003 09:42 PM
Too bad you are bored by such a great movie. I've seen it twice and will twice more when it plays at our local dollar theatre. My kids and I all thought it was GREAT!!!!!!
(I wonder what is "exciting" and "interesting" to you and your wife then?!)
September 23, 2003 09:46 PM
PS I suppose you hated Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings too............. Why do you have to wonder why anyone would like the movie?? Everybody is different.
September 23, 2003 11:42 PM
Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings had a plot. It has interesting characters and twists. Potter was pure entertainment. LotR was deep, layered, beautiful. Pirates was mindless drivel. Certainly people are different.
Sigh.. there is no sense of quality anymore. To a mediocre popular culture, mediocrity is elevated to excellence.
February 29, 2004 07:11 PM
Sorry you guys didn't like the movie...I thought it was great!I think though the story line was a little thin, Johnny Depp helped even out the bad qualities of it to make it an enjoyable movie. I think it was an awesome movie and I've watched it 17 times!
April 7, 2004 05:20 AM
Thanks to the last review, Pirates was absolutely brilliant! Great movie and one of the best Pirates movies that have ever come out. Johnny Depp is a brilliant acotr, and Orlando Bloom is absolutely gorgeous, how could you go wrong? Pirates Rules!
June 4, 2004 03:34 PM
I must say that this movie was under-rated in this review. There was little to the plot, but there were twists wether, you spotted them or not is diffrent. This movie was suprisingly well worked for coming out of a five-minute long boat ride. The carachters were the one's who thickind the plot to perfection. I currently don't know anyone who has had the same thoughts. This movie was truley one of the best that year, and it will be in my opinion for years to come. Yes, I have seen better, but this is defintly a hit, and will become a classic.
October 10, 2005 04:03 PM
I love pirates of the caribbean they rule johnny is awesome and good loooking for his age and i love the way he acts.Orlando is just plain hott and a brillant actor he rules i love orlando soooooooo much hes amazing i have like 45 pictures of him and my desk college is full of pictures of hium